Retail Reality Check

At this point, I thought it would be fun to give you the history of why I started this blog. Actually, the inspiration came from many sources. Over the years, my co-workers and I have always commented "we should write a book" when something totally off the wall happened at work. We always figured that no one would believe the weird things that happened in retail, and some of the randomness is fairly amusing.

Then I had the pleasure of seeing the movie "Julie and Julia" recently, and it got me thinking. They say you should write about what you know, and although I enjoy cooking, there is no way I could blog my way thru a cookbook. In fact, I would have to "modernize" the fabulous recipes of Julia Child and re-title the experience "Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Using Only a Microwave and Crock Pot". I do not think it would do her masterpieces justice. I would be afraid that her "boof bur-gon-yon" would turn into "boof bur-gone-wrong".

So I spent some time brain-storming with a clever friend of mine (who, by the way, is a computer genius), and he helped me set this whole thing up. If you are need of a technical-guru, let me know... he's the best!

Write about what you know. That's the key. I've been in retail longer than I care to admit, but it has provided me with some great experiences. And I wanted to share...

And so a blog was born.

Customers can be fairly clever. I used to work for a company that sold children's clothes. We had one "special" gal who knew how to work the system.

When she first started shopping with us, her daughter was probably about two years old. And adorable. But as is the case with kids, they grow. Then out-grow their clothes. This particular gem of a customer had a master plan, and sometimes I wish I had thought of it.

Each year as the kid out-grew her clothes, the mom would simply bring in the old clothes and "exchange" them for the next size up. And of course she knew that this particular company was very customer-service oriented. You know, "the customer is always right" malarky. Anyway, it started out slowly. She would simply bring in one or two items each season and state that it must have shrunk in the wash (or something) and could she just have it replaced. But she always wanted the next size up.

It didn't take us long to catch on to her scheme. We kept track of all of her "transactions" and informed our corporate office. They took great pleasure in sending her a certified letter in which she was asked to NOT shop at our store any longer (considering she hadn't actually paid for anything in years...)

Looking back at it now, I applaud her creativity. Over the course of 2 years (the wheels at corporate move very slowly) she got new clothes for the kid by just making that one initial purchase. Ingenious! Wish I had thought of it.

Of course for adults, it's not so much that we have growth spurts, but think of the possibilities if you are a yo-yo dieter. You could exchange your skinny clothes for roomier ones if you ate at the buffet of life too many days in a row. Or conversely, trade in your chubby clothes if you've decided that toast is a complete meal and that's all you eat. Think of all the money you could save! Her plan was brilliant

Why is it that everyone wants something for nothing? It's as if all of human-kind thinks that everything should be free or that they are entitled to everything as a "gift".

Trust me, nothing in life is free. Ever. If there isn't a pricetag attached to it, then there are strings. And you're the dummy.

In retail, we frequently run sales where there is a "gift with purchase". Please be sure to read the fine print. Most people don't. There is usually a catch, like "Free gift with $50 or more purchase. One per customer." Seems pretty straight forward, right??? Guess again.

What part of "one per customer" doesn't make sense? You can't even imagine the number of greedy customers that want to get their grubby paws on as many as they can get. It says ONE you idiot!!!

And even when we don't have free gift specials running, it doesn't stop the imbeciles from asking for something. And believe me, they would take anything, as long as it was FREE. Doesn't matter if they don't need it or wouldn't ever use it... the mere fact that it is free supercedes all logic.

The best part of the whole thing (and it case you didn't catch my sarcasm, I'm pointing it out) is that when you give them nothing free, they give you attitude! What has happened to common sense and decency in this world?!?! If you don't have money to shop, please do us all a favor and stay home. This is America, where Capitalism is King, and we require actual payment for products.

Just because you asked for something free doesn't mean you are automatically entitled to something for free. Taking something without paying for it is called theft. I'd be happy to get you a FREE ride to jail for that.

A few years back I was working for a major player in the kitchenware arena. We sold everything you might need to over-accessorize that particular room. I have to admit, at the time it was a great company and I enjoyed working there.

During one memorable shift, I was the lucky one who answered a phone call from a frantic customer. She had been in several days earlier and purchased some new pans. But it seems her cooking skills (or common sense) weren't as advanced as her anodized aluminum cookware.

She stated that she followed the recipe, but her oven exploded. And since she was using her new pans for the first time, she concluded that the pans must be defective.

Here's the real story... The recipe instructed her to broil the meat. In case you don't know, when you use the broiler in the oven, your heat source is from the top. Then, after the meat was cooked, she was to add 1 cup of wine to make a tasty little sauce. And what did she do next??? She put the pan, wine and all, back under the broiler and shut the oven door.

Alcohol + flame = disaster. Yep, the alcohol caught fire and blew the door open on the oven. Needless to say, dinner was ruined. Can you say "extra crispy"???

People are idiots. (This might become a common theme in my blog posts). She actually blamed the pan for the explosion! I had her re-read the recipe, and sure enough, it did not instruct her to place the pan back under the broiler.

And we did not replace the pan.