He has no sense of reality. And worse, he truly believes his own lies. I think he needs professioanl help. His co-workers try to ignore his obnoxious behavior, but he is a real pain in the butt.

I'd say that he is unmanageable, but that would imply that I can't do my job. The better explanation is that he thinks he doesn't need to be managed. He has delusions of grandeur. He thinks he's perfect. And he doesn't even comprehend the concept that "a year" is defined and recognized as 12 consecutive months. But I digress.

This looney-tune that I speak of has worked with this particular company on and off for 10 years. Mostly off. In fact, during 1 "year" he worked a total of 20 hours (3 hours in November and 17 in December). He thinks that is equal to the employees who actually worked the ENTIRE YEAR (reminder... 12 consecutive months). What a slap in the face to the other employees! On what planet is 20 hours during 2 months equal to 20 each week for 52 weeks?!?! He is INSANE!

He has developed a habit of profiling our customers. He stands at the front of the store and looks out the window. He looks for high-end cars and well dressed people. If he sees someone who is carrying a mailer that indicates a small sale, he runs to the backroom and hides, so that a co-worker has to take the sale. But we are onto him. We are well aware of his less than subtle ways. He's not fooling anyone.

It's amazing that he is still employed. He has no problem speaking his whacked-out mind, and is incredibly argumentative. I guess when you're crazy enough to believe that the fantasy world in your head is reality, there's no stopping you. His momma must have dropped him on his head a few too many times.

I've also noticed that he has "the crazy eyes". Someday he'll go postal. Mark my words... this nutjob is going to blow... news at 11. He's unstable.

I have had a fantastic week. Two (yes... two) of my staff members decided to resign this week. And I am jumping for joy!

I know, as a Manager I should be trying to retain employees and nurture their careers. But in my case, the two that resigned probably saw the writing on the wall. And it wasn't complimentary. One is so absent-minded that I'm not sure how he even navigates his way thru any given day. Dumb-ass is an understatement. The other one was basically a name on the schedule, but is so elusive that I was beginning to wonder if she even existed. We are nearly six months into the year, and she has only worked 2 shifts! Yep, 2 whole shifts! She must be exhausted.

So one was on the path to termination due to poor work performance, and the other was on the way out the door due to absenteeism. But they did me a favor, and made a pre-emptive strike and quit instead. Lucky me, there is waaaayyyyyyy less paperwork for me to do since their demise was "voluntary". I'm sure they both think that the business will struggle without them... so let's add delusional to the list of their fine qualities as well.

Drinks are on me. Time to celebrate another victory for the boss.

I suppose I shouldn't complain too much though. We barely have "extended" hours where I work, and we get to close early on Christmas Eve. Yep, only had to work until 3, not 5 or 6, like other retailers. And.. we were closed New Years Day. Almost unheard of in the retail world!

I feel sorry for the others who work for those money-grubbing companies that want to be open 24/7, even during the holidays. Apparently, the bottom-line is more important to them than their employees lives. For Christ's sake, if people can't get their shopping done between 9am and 9pm, then they don't deserve to shop. And let's not forget, the internet is "open" all the time, so you can shop-around-the-clock if you want to from the comfort of your own lazy boy.

One customer had a zinger for another who was complaining about the lines. She loudly said "If you can't handle the crowds, stay home. It's the Christmas season and it's like this everywhere, every year. Get over it!" I laughed out loud. And pissed off the whiner. Too bad...

What the hell... the Jews get 8 days to celebrate, the rest of us get 1. We should be able to enjoy it. Behave people. Mind your manners, and get some focking Christmas spirit. Even if you have to find it at the bottom of a glass.

I currently work for a company that "likes" to do inventory counts once a month. Luckily, the stores are small. Unfortunately, this particular company also likes to conduct "random audits" throughout the year. I got screwed 2 months in a row!

Two months ago, my Area Manager decided that he should "visit" and perform his official invenory audit. Like I said, lucky me. Under normal circumstances, I usually have a good portion of the store "pre-counted" so that we don't have to stay too late at night. Of course when someone with a title is in the store, we can't start the festivities until we close. It has to be "by the book". (Damn that book, I hate it!)

So the next month rolled around and I thought things would be great (and by great, I just mean "no visitors"). Boy was I wrong...

A nice gentleman strolled into the store at about 10:30am... amd proceeded to introduce himself as the Internal Auditor from our corporate office (which is located in another state). Again, lucky me! Fortunately, all of the paperwork I had with our "pre-counts" on them were not in plain view. I quickly discarded then when he wasn't looking, and prepared myself for another fun evening.

Crap... two months in a row. I was waiting for lightning bolts, flash floods, earthquakes, and other assorted calamity. I would say that Lady Luck must have been on vacation... she sure was avoiding me.

In the end, it all worked out. Twice.

Co-workers can be a blessing in disguise, or your worst nightmare. I have worked with some who have changed my life (but not always for the better) and with some who make me hate my job. Some I'd like to forget, if only I could erase parts of my brain.

It's pretty easy to categorize your co-workers. They are "fun", "hard-working", "lazy", "smart", etc. Count your blessings if you get a hard-worker with a super personality... they are few and far between.

I bet you can name a few co-workers who only want to talk about themselves. Kinda makes you want to chop your ears off, doesn't it? How 'bout the "Debbie Downer" of the group... bet you know someone who has that dark cloud overhead 24/7. And what about that lazy slug who thinks the world owes him something for doing nothing...

My point is: take a few moments and ponder your past. There are all types of people in the workplace. I'm sure the stupid ones outnumber the smart ones. I think they breed faster.

An ad was placed online with one of those job search engines... you know, Monster or Career Builder. It specifically stated the following items: part-time (approx. 15 hours per week), retail sales, hourly pay rate of $8.50, and "click here to apply online".

I learned that some people just can't follow simple instructions. Apparently, "click here to apply online" was confusing to some. And for those who did actually figure that part out, it got even more interesting. Some people did not even bother to include contact information! How do you expect me to get in touch with you if you don't provide a phone number or address?

All sorts of people applied. We got hundreds of responses. Most went immediately to the shredder. If your salary requirement is $80,000 per year, what we were offering clearly wouldn't cut it. Is your math really that bad? And this was a part-time sales position for a retail store... so I appreciate that you can operate a fork-lift and drive an 18 wheeler, but that doesn't fit the job description.

And if every other word on your resume is spelled incorrrectly, maybe you should be applying for continuing education, not a job.

I know the job market is rough, and sometimes we have to "think outside the box". But reality still needs to part of the mix. Be creative in your job search, but be realistic. Good luck in your search. There is something for everyone out there... and I hope you find it soon.

As for me, I got lucky. I found a person who fit the qualifications of the job and he is doing great. A definite asset to the store!

But the fork-lift operator/truck driver got me thinking... maybe I'll go to truck driving school in my spare time. I've been wanting to travel more, and it would be a great way to see the country. Honk, honk...

Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy my current job (most of the time) so my life is not a complete waste at this point. But if I were to win a jackpot, my first and only thought would be "Hmmmmm, should I give a two week notice or not?"

Someone has to win. It might as well be me. That's my attitude (and I think a pretty good one!). They say you have a better chance of getting struck by lightning, so I moved to the "Lightning Strike Capital of North America"... and perhaps that has improved my chances of winning!!!!

Guess I'll go to work tomorrow. Who know what kind of weirdness awaits me. I think I may be having a "surprise" visit from my boss this week. Lucky me. (Wrong kind of luck.)

So for all of you who plan to come see me tomorrow and expect something for nothing, I salute you. And wish you luck. Homey here is not playing your game... my sights are set on winners, not losers. Please bring some form of payment for the merchandise you plan to purchase. Thank you.

Then I had the pleasure of seeing the movie "Julie and Julia" recently, and it got me thinking. They say you should write about what you know, and although I enjoy cooking, there is no way I could blog my way thru a cookbook. In fact, I would have to "modernize" the fabulous recipes of Julia Child and re-title the experience "Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Using Only a Microwave and Crock Pot". I do not think it would do her masterpieces justice. I would be afraid that her "boof bur-gon-yon" would turn into "boof bur-gone-wrong".

So I spent some time brain-storming with a clever friend of mine (who, by the way, is a computer genius), and he helped me set this whole thing up. If you are need of a technical-guru, let me know... he's the best!

Write about what you know. That's the key. I've been in retail longer than I care to admit, but it has provided me with some great experiences. And I wanted to share...

And so a blog was born.